So I’ve heard that this game is ridiculously hard,
and incredibly cheap. And as a true connoisseur of games, I figured this would
make it the perfect game for me to review. After all, as we all know games, in
order to be good, must use as many forms of artificial difficulty as possible. So,
I girded myself for an adventure into Donkey Kong. And what ended up happening?
I’m sorry to say that the good programmers at
Retro studios have failed to create a game that is properly cheap. Each pit I
found was horribly well placed and completely within my line of sight, and each
moment I actually figured out that there was something that made me completely
at fault.
I mean really, how could they have screwed this
up? Just put platforms in completely un-seeable areas, making the game all
leaps of faith. That is the true choice. True gamers will realize that jumps
they can never react to properly are the truest way to play games. It’s only a
matter of skill if you have to react to a situation that you can never see
coming.
 |
| Taken from forbes.com |
In fact, go one step further, remove all the
checkpoints, all the partner barrels, make DK die in one hit.
Wait, better idea. Every level is a pit. Everyone
of them. The game is impossible. Make it that. Everything is impossible. Only
the real hardcore players will be able to complete something programmed to be
impossible to play.
Yes, that would be the perfect example of a
perfect game, it’s brilliant. Why couldn’t this game have done that?
Donkey Kong
Country: Tropical Freeze gets a balloon out of a pit.
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