To begin our journey
into what the gaming industry has incorrect, we should go for something not
quite hot, not quite cold. Still in the minds of the industry, and still having
content to mine it for.
Bioshock Infinite is a
game about how America is terrible and the entire world would benefit if the
entire country decided to just live in the sky and pay no heed to the outside
world, since everyone in the country will immediately turn into a psychotic
murderer as soon as they have enough power. Quite a far flung conclusion from
their previous entries in the series, whose message was follow your dreams and
you’ll turn into psychotic physically malformed murderers who wish to eat
little girls.
Ken Levine's team really knows what they're doing story wise, and I'm certain Irrational knew exactly where to put the funds to this wonderful story.
But while the game has a heartwarming message
of how all humanity is terrible, there’s a small problem within that belief.
Unfortunately, those behind Bioshock seem to believe that even one member of
humanity could be considered a good person.
That person is the
game’s non-playable protagonist, Elizabeth. Oh I’m certain many different
reviewers have told different things. That she’s “offensive” for having an open
bust, that her powers should mean she is the playable character. But these are
minor gripes stated by those who don’t understand this true issue. While I
could go into detail on and on of how it’s terrible for them to make a
character that’s possibly a good person, I’m afraid there’s been a much worse
sin committed by the team behind the game.
The perversion of the
sacred escort mission.
Many of you perhaps do
not understand what I speak of, as to be expected. To elaborate, Elizabeth is
the character with which you escort for most of the game. But she is
invincible. And this is but one of many horrid perversions of the escort
scenario. True gamers would realize that the lack of need to keep constant tabs
on her means that you don’t have to slowly inch in not just for said characters
safety, but in order to get the good ending.
They would understand the joy of having a useless escort blunder into a
room full of hostiles and kill themselves, thus destroying what could most
likely have been hours of progress if the game is well made enough to not
include save points. It should be understood that a character like that is
intended to be hated, that their sole purpose is to be nothing but a bile
factory, something for the entire fan base to rise up against as the most
infuriating feature of the game.
But it is not enough
that this character is invincible. She’s helpful! The audacity of making a
character who in the midst of combat will throw you energy, ammo, even money! I
should be hating her as I waste precious ammunition to keep her safe that I
would have saved for a boss battle. I should be cramming food item and health
pack after health pack into her to desperately keep her alive. She even has the
audacity to occasionally revive the player character. It does not even require
any effort on your part, it's merely a few scenes of Elizabeth attempting to
revive! A proper escort would have it in reverse, with the player attempting to
revive Elizabeth when she's inevitably taken down. But instead of a cut scene
of desperate emergency medicine, it should be a near impossible quick time even
mini game where one wrong button press leaves her for dead, AND you are
completely out in the open, with enemies having a sudden burst in AI as they
gun you down. Although I suppose a saving grace is that you can’t merely be
constantly revived by her, a small reminder that these programmers knew what an
escort mission is truly intended to be.
I hope that my readers
have been enlightened to the true problem of this game, one that makes me
physically ill whenever I think such thoughts were approved. If my readers need
remember one lesson, let it be this:
If the player’s
controller isn’t broken by their rage, you as a programmer have failed to
create a proper escort mission.
Bioshock Infinite gets
an America out of the Universe.
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