World of Warcraft: Guest Reviewer Edition!

So I was going to review World of Warcraft, when I realized I knew someone who is far more knowledgeable about the game. So enjoy the thoughts of my wonderful friend… I can’t actually remember his name but let’s act like I do. Alright his letter is around here somewhere… There it is.

Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze. Did it do this right?

So I’ve heard that this game is ridiculously hard, and incredibly cheap. And as a true connoisseur of games, I figured this would make it the perfect game for me to review. After all, as we all know games, in order to be good, must use as many forms of artificial difficulty as possible. So, I girded myself for an adventure into Donkey Kong. And what ended up happening?

South Park: The Stick of Truth: The Worst Kind of Abomination

This is an aberration. An atrocity. Words cannot even begin to describe what rules of nature this game has decided to ignore.

Animal Crossing New Leaf: A Terrible Decision

Animal Crossing is a game that we should all know by now. A game that hides behind a wondrous colorful setting, fooling us into not realizing the truth: that we are forever in debt to our landlord. A good lesson to teach children. Especially since it gives us a good physical description of what we should expect our average landlord to look.

 

Taken from Animal Crossing Wikia

Unfortunately the 3DS iteration, New Leaf, has decided that children should be taught a different, far more terrible lesson.

Dragon’s Crown: Something is Horribly Wrong Here

 

Taken from Wikipedia

It was brought to my attention that this game was something to behold in the most horrific face one can make. I am absolutely appalled by some of the decisions made by this game’s art team. But truly, there is but one design choice that is truly one of the most disgusting abominations of artwork I have ever seen.

I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream: I’m Not Making This Title Any Longer

So when this was recommended to me I read the short story.

                   

Turns out it is a game. So I had to look up a walkthrough to get this review to happen.

Rayman Legends: Who Cares if it was Made for One Console?

Rayman Origins was a well-received revival of a mascot who everyone kind of forgets every once in a while. Boasting multiplayer that doesn’t lead you to constantly screw your teammates, difficulty curves that are usually tests of skill and not leaps of faith, and no control gimmicks that could only work on one console, I can’t see why it was so beloved.

Thankfully, that last issue was resolved in the next game in the series, Rayman Legends.

Team Fortress 2: Everything is Wrong

Taken from the game's store page

I was informed this was a hat simulator

Remember Me: Teaching Us Important Lessons!

Remember me is a beat em up style game with a female protagonist and that’s its entire selling point. I’m quite let down to know that they apparently wanted to create a strong one too. I know. That cover fooled me too.

And.

And…

Okami: Let’s Talk About the Motions

 

image from artofokami.com

Now I was going to write this about how Okami is a game that is a horrible caricature of Japanese culture.

Then I found out it was made by a Japanese studio.

I had everything written out and then someone told me I might want to research.

Anyways, this revelation made me realize that some of my readers may want me to go back to talking about gameplay. My mind hit me with a bolt of brilliance as I realized Okami was the perfect subject matter for that.

Skullgirls: The Right Way

As my readers well know, sexism is a very important issue in gaming. After all, if we make strong, non-stereotypical female characters… I didn’t figure out the rest of that sentence but that’s not what matters! What matters here is that I have found a game worthy of the required sexism we need in games. Because it features attractive women! And as we all know it’s sexist to have attractive women in games because women aren’t intended to be attractive! So come along and let me show you some of the wonders Skullgirls has to offer!

The Racist Casting of Wonderful 101

Through my own will I’ve managed to slink through and find a disturbing trend within the reviews of games. Claims of racism, sometimes stemming from a particular choice of how to portray a character, to which character is the protagonist. The Wonderful 101 appears to be no exception. Some sources have stated that certain depictions of characters may be seen as racist. They all ignore the fact the most racist caricature of them all.

That of the depiction “villainous” organization's officers themselves.

The Last of Us: The Last of Our Sexism

Now that we’ve delved a little into the World of proper use of game mechanics, it’s time we dive into a much greater problem in gaming: sexism. Rather, the lack effort put into making some games sexist. The Last of Us is a prime example of this failure.

Bioshock Infinite: The Elizabeth Problem

To begin our journey into what the gaming industry has incorrect, we should go for something not quite hot, not quite cold. Still in the minds of the industry, and still having content to mine it for.

Welcome to Real Intelligent Gaming

Are you tired of reviews which focus on the wrong facts?

Nitpick on such insignificant things as "gameplay" or "story" or "glitches" or even being so full of themselves to believe these games have to be, dare I say, "fun?"

I'm here to bring a breath of fresh air to game reviews, I'll be reviewing them the right  way: bringing in the facts that matter. What are they? Well I'm certain you can't have seen it yet, but I assure you, give it time and you'll see.

You'll see I'm always right.